Lynn speaking, how may I help you?
by ahming
Summary: The guys show up at April's house for movie night and decide to order some food from this great place, that somehow always manages to mess Raph's order up. oneshot.


"Hey guys, thanks for stopping by."

"No problemo, Aprileno!"

"Thanks for having us."

"Eh."

"How've you been?"

April greeted them at the door, beckoning them in with her free hand. It had kind of become a custom to shoot over on Thursdays for movie night, upon Mikey's request, and so far they'd upheld it without missing a date. It was actually kind of nice, to have a night off, to be able to just chill around in a normal house that didn't smell like a garbage bin, and be able to walk around without having to worry about being spotted, or shot at, or dissected. Leo and Raph entered first, Leo instantly making his way to the kitchen area, sitting on one of the decorative bar stool seats April had sitting on the other side of the kitchen table. Don fell back, staying by the door, intending discuss something privately with April. While all this was going on, Mikey sauntered over to the coffee table and snatched up the movie, before plowing into the couch, knocking Casey onto the floor.

"Hey, goofball, I was sittin' there!"

"Move your feet, lose your seat!"

"You pushed me!"

"Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it!"

Casey growled, but then blinked, as he was offered a three-fingered hand. He grinned japingly and took the hand, pulling himself to his feet, greeting Raph with a punch to the arm. While Casey and Raph often spent the nights out 'bashin' skulls', as they so fondly referred to it, they actually hadn't seen each other since last Thursday, which was very unusual for them. Once everyone had settled, Leo on the couch, Raph and Donnie on the floor, April and Casey next to Leo, and Mikey in the armchair, they began to hear a low grumbling.

"Can we order some pizza, April?"

Everyone flinched, even the turtles. Don slung an arm lazily around his midsection, craning his neck back as if it hurt him. Pizza was amazing, pizza was a way of life, but even four teenaged mutant ninja turtles got sick of it once in a while. No one said anything, and Mikey quickly discovered no one wanted pizza. He gasped, dropping the VHS tape onto the coffee table.

"I cannot BELIEVE what I am hearing! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU GUYS ANYMORE!"

"Mikey, we've had pizza almost every night this week, if I have to wolf down another pizza... I really don't think I can handle heart burn again tonight."

"Why don't we call up that Steak Shack place? they've got good food."

After hectoring Mikey about it until he finally agreed, Donnie stepped over to the kitchen counter and opened a drawer, undoubtedly harboring every fast food and delivery place's menu this side of New York. He hopped up onto the kitchen counter where he proceeded to unhurriedly flip through the menu, sounding off what sounded good out loud. After he made his choice, he dropped it on the kitchen counter and let the rest sift through it greedily.

"Scallops sound good."

An entertained smirk played across Raph's face as he recalled the last time they'd ordered from this place. Usually, Raph would be spitting daggers, completely furious that his order had been fucked up, but for some reason, he found it absolutely hilarious that no matter how many times he ordered exactly the same thing, the order was botched, every. single. time. The place looked pretty swanky, he would have liked to have been able to go inside and eat, but that was too close range, even in a trench coat and hat. When they were younger, they thought that they were invisible in the trench n' hat, but now that they were older, they suddenly realized how unconvincing of a disguise it actually was.

He recalled the first time he'd ordered from there himself:

* * *

_  
"Hi!" The way her voice cracked made it sound like she was saying 'hi-yeee'.  
"NY streak shack, Lynn speaking, how can I help you?" She strung this sentence together quite quickly, her voice annoyingly singsongish.  
"Yeh, can I gedda order'a..." blah blah blah. "and some french fries with beef gravy. Y'got that?"  
"Sure thing, hun, let me read that back to ya." blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. "And french fries with beef gravy. That right?"  
"Yep. When'llit be here?"  
"Oh, I don't know." Clueless. " Whenever it's done, I guess."  
"...Well, how long'll that be?"  
"I don't know, I don't cook it. I just deliver it." He could almost hear the gears turning in her head through the phone.  
Silence.  
"What, Case? Oh, 'ay, could you throw in summa that... that's it called, the bloomin' onion thing that I keep hearin' about?"  
"No problem! Your total is 36.05, okay? It'll be there in about 20 minutes, okayeee? Bye, and thank you for choosing NY steak shack!"  
"But yuh jus' said--" _  
Click.

_  
Dnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn._

* * *

Once, Raph had asked for french fries covered in gravy, and had received a baked potato. Even on the receipt, stapled to the bag, the order read 'french fries with a side of beef gravy'. The food was good, though, which was why they kept ordering, but the girl who delivered was a complete loony.

And then there was that other time:

* * *

_"Hi! Ny Steak Shack, this is Lynn speaking, how may I help you?"  
"Hey, Lynn. S'me."  
"Raphael? Oh, HI!"  
"Yeh, Hi, listen, lemme gedda..." blah blah blah. "And some french fries and gravy. Okay?"  
"Okay."  
"Can you read that last part back to me?"  
"French fries and gravy."  
"You sure you wrote french fries and gravy, and not baked potato, or egg salad, or any other weird crap like that?"  
"Uh, no. I wrote french fries and gravy." She was offended, but he didn't care. He just wanted some freakin' fries and gravy.  
"Okay, that'll be-"  
"36.05, it'll be here'n 20 minutes. Got it."  
Click._

_Dnnnnnnnnnnnn._

In the end, when he opened the bag, he discovered he'd ended up getting fish n' 'chips'. How the hell she managed to do that, he had no idea.

* * *

And let's not forget that one time:

_"You order, Fearless."_

_  
"Hi! NY Steak Shack, this is Lynn speaking, how may I help you?"  
"Uh, Hi. I was wondering if I could get..." blah blah blah. "What? Oh, and a side order of french fries and gravy?"  
"You know, there's this one guy who always calls and orders that. Don't they eat that in like, Canada, or something? That's weird."  
"That guy is my brother, and I don't know."  
"Really? HI! He probably doesn't remember me."_

_  
Oh, but I do._

_  
"Okay, sounds great."  
"Thank you for choosing NY Steak Shack!"_

_  
When he opened the bag, he almost shit himself. _

_  
"MOTHERFUCKER! I swear, I SWEAR, what part of FRIES AND GRAVY DOESN'T THAT CHICK UNDERSTAND?"_

_  
"What'd she give ya this time, Raph?"_

_  
"RICE with gravy. I give up."  
_

* * *

He shrugged, trying to rid his mind of the irksome sound of her voice that haunted him every time he even thought of looking at a phone. But something inside him told him that this time would be different. He could make this work. He could do this. Deep breath. In, out, in out. Grab the phone. Dial. He'd memorized the number.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Click._

Here goes nothin'.

"Hi, NY S-"  
"NY Steak Shack, this is Lynn, yeh, I know. Got it."  
"Raph? Is that you? HIEE!"  
"Yeh. Hi. Listen closely Lynn. Cen ya do that for me?"  
"Um, okay."  
"I want fries."  
"You want fries."  
"Write it, Lynn. I want fries."  
"Okay, you want fries." He heard her scribble something down.  
"And I want a side of- make sure you write this down, I'll say it slowly. I want a side of beef gravy."  
"Side. of. gravy." More scribbling.  
"Lynn, if you get here, and there ain't some fries with gravy in that bag, so help me GOD, Lynn..."

There was a moment of silence as Raph contemplated his next move, and he decided to use a tactic he hadn't used before. Fight idiocy with idiocy. It was worth a shot. What the hell did he have to lose?

"Lynn?"  
"Yes?"  
"...Just lemme get a baked potato."  
"French fries with gravy comin' up."  
_Click._

_  
Dnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn._

Raph blinked and pulled the receiver down, looking down at it, completely nonplused. Had she just said french fries and gravy? Was she serious? Holy shit, holy shit, holy motherfucking shit, he was going to get his order. Never mind that Lynn was completely fucking batty, he was going to get his order, hell yeah!

"What did you order, Raph, same as usual?" Mikey asked as he strolled out of the bathroom, reclaiming his spot on the floor, wondering why exactly Raph was staring so bemusedly into the phone receiver.

"I d'nno." He answered seriously as he hung the receiver up, shrugging a shoulder.

"I know what I ordered, but who knows what I'll end up getting."

True to her word, when Raph reached into the bag, he found a container with his french fries, and a separate container with his gravy, and a third container containing mustard _and _ketchup _and _mayo. Everyone glanced up at his face, waiting to see him explode, waiting to see that twitch start in the corner of his eye, waiting for him to rip someone's limb off, to overturn furniture and scream at the top of his lungs.  
He just shrugged.

"...'Close 'nuff."

* * *

_  
lol, I know, lame. But I go to this place right next to my house ALL the time, and somehow, this lady manages to mess my order up every single time! So... Yeah! You can understand my frustration! lol  
_


End file.
